Deep Thoughts From a Whiny Cat

I am Salem, the tiny whiny cat. These are things I want to know from my kitty mama:

1. Why are you not awake?
2. Do you not care that I am hungry?
3. Why did you just leave me with a cup and a half of dry food and water?
4. Did you know that salmon is good for cats?
5. Why are you still sleeping?
6. Is there a particular reason you will not let me claw you?
7. When are you going to wake up? It is 7 a.m. Which is practically midnight.
8. Why do you keep sending the man to attend to me?
9. Did you know you are really soft and comfortable to rest on?
10. Are you going to get up or not?
11. Is it normal to feel woozy? The low blood sugar from lack of salmon is getting to me.
12. Isn't there anyone who would allow me to bathe them?
13. Why is this house full of stinky, dirty people who need cat baths constantly?
14. Are you on heroin? How is it possible that it is 7:15 and you are not up yet?

If she doesn't get up, I'm going to perch on her shoulder and lick her face until she does. Just sayin'.